Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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