i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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