I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
