i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
