When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
