This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
