What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
