we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
