so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
