sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
