We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm bleeding and have questions
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
