I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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