mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
