I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
