At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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