last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
