they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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