dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
