I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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