Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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