so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
