VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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