I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
