i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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