I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize