Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
