You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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