Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
