I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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