So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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