im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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