Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
