Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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