I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
