I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
