If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
