We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
