im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
