I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
