I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
