I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
