i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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