You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
