Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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