Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
