Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
