i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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