meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
