I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want to be your penis for a week.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Drake has all the answers
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
