Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
