A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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