every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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