I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
