therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
