It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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