Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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