I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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