Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
