I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Congratulations! We have a period
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