That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
