We need to rekindle our bromance
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
