well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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