yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
