my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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