Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
