the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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