i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
