Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
